Because everybody I know seems to be much stronger than I am, I was forced to go ultralight for a while. I chopped the handle off my toothbrush, traded in fork-knife-and-spoon for chopsticks, and then I eliminated undergarments from my life entirely.

My pack was still too heavy. I had to dig deeper, cut more ounces… spend a ton of money.

Gear reviews and Internet research led me to the GoLite Lair 2 Shelter. This one-pound two-person tarp-like shelter weighed less than my dearly departed skivvies; the only problem was that, unlike my skivvies, it didn’t have a door. Essentially, I had bought a trapezoidal tarp with a tiny rear wall for a bunch of cash, which welcomed squirmy, snakey-bitey creatures into my skivvie-less world.

Further research led me to the GoLite Lair 2 Nest. The Nest is a 1.5-pound tent made of lightweight netting (with a door) that works in conjunction with the Lair Shelter to keep one’s junk safe from squirmy, snakey-bitey visitors.

So now at 2.5 pounds and +/- a bunch of cash I’ve traded my 4-pound two- peron double walled tent for a 2.5 pound, two- peron, two- part pole-less, less durable, single walled ultralight tent that requires two MIT advanced physics professors to advise in its set up.

Nobody rolls their eyes at my slow pace anymore. I practically sprint by the group, leaving them in a wake of my freeballin’ perspiration. I arrive first at the next tent platform or campground and set right to work on my shelter erection. Well, I’m back to full length toothbrushes and I’ve since learned that underwear deletion and tent replacement are no substitute for hard work and pre-trip training if one wishes to keep up with the pack.

If there’s one thing I hate more than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, it’s falling down on the trail. To eliminate this fearsome possibility I sought out the stickiest and most durable approach shoes that I could find, the Garmont Sticky Cats. I recently took the Sticky Cats up Granite Mountain’s Trail 261, where I enjoy interval training on this scenic switchbacking hike. (When I say “interval training” I mean I like to go very fast and then very slow and then very, very fast and I get to wear a Camelbak.)

The only things that made running up a mountain of exposed stone and dry desert sand any fun were the Sticky Cats. The Vibram soul is durable yet provides super sticky traction. The one-inch-plus of EVA midsole (foam) offers maximum cushion on the heel-pounding descent. Finally, and best of all, the blaze orange stripes a la retro soccer shoes made me look very, very fast.

The only downfall that I could find is that the narrow cut of the approach shoe style makes my feet seem well, very, very small. This fact drew comment from a young lady at the bar one night. She mentioned that the little boy feet in my Sticky Cats might be indicative of some folkloristic anatomical comparison. I told her about pitching my tent.